How a Heart Behaves
by Ghost of a Browncoat
Summary: An Autobiography written by Erica Hahn, Interpretted by Callie Torres.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own anything, and never will.

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_A cold heart will burst  
if mistrusted first  
And a calm heart will break  
when given a shake  
--- Feist_

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A sigh escaped from Callie Torres' lips as she sat down in her normal bookstore. Placing her coffee on her usual table, Callie moved sit in the comfortably padded chair that she loved so much. Music played softly in the air, comforting instrumental music that no one really listened to anymore. Callie loved that kind of music, really. Something so soothing about it, and she could use some soothing. Sighing, she looked down at the unopened book sitting next to her coffee on the table.

"_How a Heart Behaves_" by Erica Hahn.

Callie must have read that title about fifty times, and the author's name about six hundred times. She still couldn't believe it. Erica Hahn, _her_ Erica Hahn, had written a book. An autobiography at that! She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Had Erica been gone from her life for that long? She guessed that four years was long enough to write a book.

She had just found out about this autobiography earlier that morning from Christina, who really didn't know if she should be extremely excited or completely ticked off. Christina rambled on about it for a good hour and half, though Callie wasn't really listening. She had, however, caught a few phrases such as, "What if there is something important to learn in there?" and, "Who am I kidding? It's going to about how much she hates people.". Callie didn't know what to tell her. All Callie knew was that she was not going to buy that book under any circumstances.

Callie sighed again as she brushed her fingers over the silky smooth paperback cover. She lingered over her ex's name longer than anything. Four years. Four years and yet the simple mention of the blonde's name caused her heart to race. Well, race wasn't quite the right word for it. It was more like a war between her heart and head. Her heart would start racing, and then her brain would remember what happened and that nothing would ever change that, and her heart would then sink very deep into her stomach and continue to break. Callie didn't understand how someone could have such a strong effect on her after so long. She reasoned with herself constantly, saying that it was because it ended so suddenly that she didn't have time to properly process it. That and she was certain that Erica hated her, which didn't help the healing process in the least.

So here she was. Sitting at a bookstore with the book that she promised herself that she would never buy, loathing herself. She had to buy the stupid book. She had to see if Erica had written anything about her in there, and maybe get some closure on this whole situation so that she can finally move on with her rotten life!

But what if she wrote something horrible about her in there? Callie was honestly terrified that that was the case. Erica would have every right to bash her in every way possible, call her every mean name in the book. Callie had cheated on her, wavered on her, and called her bad in bed. There was probably no coming back from that.

God she was nervous. It was stupid how nervous she was. So she did the only thing she could to calm her nerves. She took a deep breath and opened to the first page and began to read.

How a Heart Behaves  
by Erica Hahn.

_It has come to my attention that it is expected of me to write an autobiography about my life. While I don't want to be a living cliché of my success, it is something that has been advised of me to do. Not only for my career as an amazing cardio surgeon, but for my (supposed) mental health as well. I should mention that I'm not very good with people. I don't know a thing about telling someone about my life or what is important or not. I don't know where to start, or if anyone is even going to read this, but I guess the best thing to do is to start at the very beginning and introduce myself._

_Hi. My name is Erica Lynn Hahn, I'm a 39 year old heart surgeon with a world renown technique. _

_That being said, I suppose my story starts thirty nine years ago in a small hospital in Madison, Wisconsin. I was born in this hospital though I can't say I remember the name. Being eight pounds, seven ounces, I was a big girl even back then. It was a normal delivery, no drugs involved, no complications. Other than that, there's not much I can say about my birth. _

_I was born and raised in Wisconsin. I lived in the country of the city called Eau Claire, (Pronounced "O Claire" if you're wondering. Not "Ew Claire". That'd be a pretty bad name for a town, in my opinion.) and went to Robins Elementary school. It was a large, brick building school that was all indoors. I could tell you the names of all the teachers that I had while I was going there, but it would be pointless. None of them work there any more, probably gone long before I checked in my late high school years. It was a good school, as good as an elementary school can get I would suppose. I didn't really make any friends there. My only friend was my older brother, and that is how it remains even to this day. _

_My brother's name is Shawn Michel Hahn, and his biggest pet peeve is when I tease him about his name. "Shawn Hahn." It's pretty funny how it sort of rhymes and his face still gets red when I bring this up. He is a year older than me, born in the same hospital. He went to the same school as me, as well, and we even managed to have the same teachers through out the fifth grade. We were the best of friends growing up. Even though Shawn was very popular among his friends he would still play with me on the playground and call me his best friend. I was very fond of him as well, and still am. You hear that Shawn? _

_We would play together all the time outside of school. The winter was our favorite. Snow was very fun to play in and one of our favorite things to do in it was build little forts in it. We would try and make them resemble igloos, but they'd always collapsed within a few minutes. So we would build a castle in their place. It was easy to do in the snow, unlike in the other seasons when all you were left with was rocks, mud, and sticks. Our parent's would help us, of course, in the summer to make a suitable fort for the time being, until winter came back._

_Our parents weren't planned parents, to say the least. They were both nineteen when they had my brother, needless to say, he was a mistake. A great mistake, as my mother always put it. They married after they found out about my brother, and lived happily ever after. Happily ever after has a big price though. My father's name was Patrick Steven Hahn. He was a big man, very muscular with blonde hair and striking blue eyes. Everyone says both me and my brother look like him. He got a job as a construction worker after my brother was born, and I remember that he always smelt of dirt. It wasn't a bad smell, however. I know that when most people think of dirt, they think of "Dirty" and "Gross". But it wasn't. It was an earthy, calming smell. My daddy's smell. _

_My mother was the very opposite of him, having dark brown hair and a petite frame. Sarah Michelle Hahn was the very poster woman of motherly figures. Very polite and small, my mother had no trouble finding small jobs in the area for numerous companies. The problem was being able to keep them. It wasn't anything that she was doing wrong. It was just that It was stressful on her body having to take care of both me and my brother, and all that stress made her sick very often. The stress of the jobs weren't our only problem though. With two kids and a house comes big bills. Big bills that we didn't always have the money for. I remember hiding in our attic during rough times, so that our land lord would think we weren't home when he came to collect rent. It was because of this struggle that my mother wanted both me and my brother to become something important when we grew up, so that we didn't have to experience that sort of dread. _

_It was actually my Mother that inspired me to become a heart surgeon. Well, not exactly a heart surgeon at first. I actually wanted to be an astronaut for many years. I like Space. I like the mystery of it, the vastness of it. I wanted to discover my very own planet. I already had it settled that I would name the planet after my brother, and the moon my mother. Because the moon always watched over the planet like a mom watched over her son. This dream was squashed, however, when I found out that my heart wasn't strong enough. I didn't have any severe condition, it just didn't run as hot as it was suppose to. Needless to say, I was crushed. So I decided that I was going to become a heart doctor, so that I could help all the other little girls out there with weak hearts, so that they could become astronauts, even if I couldn't. _

_I was in the fourth grade when I discovered that I needed glasses. I didn't want to believe that I needed them. They looked dorky and I was convinced that I didn't need them. So when I first put them on when we were driving home, I started crying. I really started crying. Everything was just so beautiful, it was like being reborn again. For the first time in my life, I could see. I could see everything! The blurs in the trees became single leaves; the blotches of color on the ground became flowers. It was life changing. How is this important? Because this wasn't the last time that I found out I needed glasses. _


	2. Chapter 2

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There, There baby, it's just textbook stuff  
It's in the A B Cs of growing up  
Now, Now darling, Now don't lose your head  
'Cause none of us were angels and you know I love you  
Yeah  
--- Imogen Heap

Callie couldn't tear her eyes away from the picture that took up the full page. It was bright, large, and cheery. It was also down right adorable.

A young Erica, maybe six or seven years old, was sitting on top of the monkey bars on a rusty playground. Hanging from the same monkey bars, was her big brother Shawn. It was snowing out, a thick blanket of white covered the ground and most of the playground. There were deep foot prints in the snow surrounding the playground, showing hints of brown dirt underneath.

Erica and Shawn were both smiling broadly, almost as if they were caught mid-laugh. Erica was tall for her age, but her face almost looked younger. So much different than the stressed look that always adorned her face when Callie knew her. Her cheeks were rosy, matching the red winter jacket and snow hat that she was wearing. Her long blonde hair was tied into braided pigtails, and her brilliant blue eyes were as vibrant as Callie had ever seen. Even as a child, Erica was stunning.

Her heart was racing, there is no denying that. From between the leaves reference and seeing a younger version of a face that she had long to see for years, Callie's insides were going insane. It even ran through her mind that she should continue to read the book at the hospital, so that people could monitor her vitals in case of a heart attack. Or something along those lines.

It was definitely odd reading about the woman that she had once dated. It almost felt like cheating. Finding out all these details about her once supposed best friend from a book, because she never thought to ask. Some friend she was. It was kind of like reading the cheat sheet to a really important test. Or reading the last page of a book that you had already been reading for days. Cheating never stopped Callie Torres before, so why should it stop her now?

She just needed to keep her eyes on the prize. Seeing if Erica had written anything about her. Any emotional troubles that would face her on the way there, she would just have to deal with.

Taking a deep swig of her now cold coffee, Callie let out a self-soothing breath. Uttering a few motivational words to herself, Callie once again returned her attention to the book.

_My middle school years aren't really much to mention. I got my period, went through awkward changes, and even had my first boyfriend. With my first boyfriend, came my first kiss. Which was… well, different. No fireworks, no singing in the back ground. Just a rushed brush of lips that left a wet film on my mouth, which I wiped off as soon as the poor boy turned his back. We dated for a while after that kiss, shared multiple other kisses, before I couldn't bear the bad kissing any more. I haven't talked to him since. _

_That's pretty much the only interesting thing to mention about my middle school years. My high school years weren't much better. I never went to any of the football games, I never really got into any of the pep rally. I went to prom and homecoming, but my date was usually my brother. I was a real social butterfly. I did, however, have an actual date for my prom. Robby Benson was his name. He was handsome, nice green eyes and a shaggy head of brown hair. According to him, he swept me off my feet while we slow danced. I remember distinctly tripping over his two left feet and gravity did the sweeping. Funny how memories differ. But the two perspectives are necessary for writing this book. Or at least, that was what I was told. Anyways, the call was less awkward that I had imagined. Robby is now a successful lawyer, married with three young kids. Two girls and a boy, all spitting images of their parents. Kind of hard to imagine that I could've been Mrs. Robby Benson if things had gone right. _

_It was during my college years that things got interesting.---_

"Excuse me, Miss. But we're closing. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A young man's voice broke her concentration. Uttering an annoyed moan, Callie fixed a glare at him for interrupting her. The man gulped audibly, and fixed his uniformed tie. "I'm really sorry, Ma'am."

Callie sighed and closed the book after slipping the receipt between the pages to mark her place. "No, it's okay. I understand." Sliding off her chair with a stretch, Callie secured the book under her arm and left the store.

Stepping out in the cool night breeze, Callie held the book close to her as she walked home. There was just so much going on inside the novel and a lot of information that the young doctor didn't know if she wanted to really process or not. Like the reference of Erica imagining life as if she was married to her high school sweet heart. Even the mental image of Erica getting kissed by some slobbery boy who didn't even deserve her made her want to convulse in disgust.

It was also this attitude that made Callie more than slightly ashamed of herself. They had been best friends for a long time, and the ever popular topic of her first kiss never came up? Or even prom? Did she just think that she was Erica's first kiss, even though Erica had mentioned sleeping with men? Oh. That was bound to come up soon too. The Spanish woman's head began to swim as she braced herself against the nearest building. Maybe reading this book wasn't a good idea after all.

Finding the strength to continue moving, Callie trudged the last few blocks and up the stairs to her apartment. Letting herself in, she closed the door with her foot as she moved over to drop on to the couch. Tilting her head back towards the ceiling, she let out an exasperated groan. It was time to continue reading. Curling her legs up underneath her, she leant against the armrest as she opened the book to the marked page.

_It was during my college years that things got interesting, being the only time that I was away from my family for any length of time. It was weird being away, I wasn't accustomed to it. I had never been to a sleepover or a long vacation with out my parents, so it was like being thrown into a new environment with new ways with out a safety net. I adjusted quickly. If it was one thing I was good at, it was adjusting. _

_I had gotten lucky, I suppose, when it comes to room mates. Rebecca Williams was a friendly girl, a little noisy, but nice. She mainly kept to herself, and after a few failed tries to get me to go out with her friends, she let me do my own thing. My own thing being studying as if it were nourishment. That's how I would spend most of my nights as a freshman. Some times I would go extremely wild and go to the library. _

_I did say that my college years were interesting, and I wasn't lying. It was during the second semester of my sophomore year that I met Kevin Noret, an aspiring psychologist. My first ever serious boyfriend, and well, my only fiancée. But that's getting a head of myself. _

_Like I said, it was my second year of college and I was taking a rather difficult humanities class. History and humanities is not my slice of cheese, and probably never will be. The chapter I was on had something to do with art and music… the Baroque period, I think. Anyways, I was sitting in the library with fists full of my hair trying to figure out a way to memorize dates and names that I couldn't pronounce when someone spoke to me from behind._

"_King Louis XVI, the sun king. Really interesting stuff you're learning there. I always was fond of the old monarchy and how they believed they were practically gods on earth." It was a handsome voice, and when I turned my head to see who was speaking, an equally handsome face smiled at me. He must have seen the distraught look in my eyes, because he chuckled and pulled up a chair. "I take it you don't share my love of history."_

_I shook my head stupidly before turning my gaze back at the book. "No, I don't. I don't even see the point of this dumb class. Who cares about history. The future is much more interesting, and something that we can actually change." I had said, or at least, something along those lines. He just chuckled at me some more and shook his head._

"_Yes, but it is history that shaped where we are now. You know, someday you're going to be History." He tapped my book with his index finger in a matter of fact way. _

"_Gee, we just met and you're already imagining my death. Some charmer you are." My own famous charm emerged as I fixed a glare at the unfairly good looking man sitting next to me. _

_The smile was wiped off his face. "Oh! I don't mean it like that! Sorry if you thought that I just—" He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair frustratingly. "Look, let me make it up to you. How 'bout, you let me buy you dinner and help you study? It's the least I can do for making such a dumb, rude statement like that." _

_I reluctantly agreed since I was in dire need of a study buddy for this class. Needless to say, dinner turned out great and I actually got a B on my test. Though I B wasn't up to my usual standards, it was better than the F I would've gotten with out his help. So when the next test rolled around, I dug out the number he had given me and made another study date. Which turned into another, and another… and well. You know where I'm going with this._

_Kevin was a real romantic, and did everything to the full extent. He could never just bring me a single rose. It had to be twenty with a sappy card attached. So when our one year anniversary rolled around, I shouldn't have been surprised when he pulled out the most beautiful ring I had ever seen in my life. Huge clear, glistening diamonds, at least five of them, all arranged beautifully on a golden band. Oh, I was breathless. I almost didn't hear the question that came with the ring, but with a ring like that, who could say no? _

_We were going to wait until after college to actually get married, but the time couldn't pass fast enough. Over the next few weeks I had nearly everything planned, even down to the napkins. I had lost my virginity to him six weeks after the proposal, and though it wasn't exactly the experience I had imagined, I was happy for it. _

_I wish I could say that there was a huge reason for our break up. That he moved away or something equally as drastic had occurred. But it didn't. Nothing exciting had happened in a long while, and that was his reason for calling it off three weeks before graduation. I cried a lot, and he cried a little. I suppose that's how those things go. I haven't talked to him since graduation, before I left to complete med school. I don't know if he's married, has kids, if he's still alive. I suppose it doesn't matter much any more._

_Med school was boring. Much like my high school years and my middle school years. I kept to myself, I didn't date. I still felt that I was in love with Kevin, so I couldn't bring myself to look at other men. I still can't bring myself to do that, even to this day. But that's a different story, which is fast approaching._

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